Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dear Beck…

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On Sunday you turned 11 months. Today you crawled. Mom is proud…and relieved.

Why did I worry? You taking your time has just given me the gift of more time in each stage. And we both know the delay in crawling has not deterred your King Kong like destruction powered by your mean army crawl. I love you so much. I can’t get enough of you. I even miss you sometimes after you go to bed and am tempted to go wake you up so I can squeeze you and nuzzle that spot just under your jaw in your squishy neck. I resist. I wait until morning. I usually don’t have to wait very long.

Before I had you, reports of motherhood, specifically stay at home motherhood, were either from women who felt they had finally realized their superb but formerly wasted innate maternal nurturing that was the answer to their child’s every need or, conversely, from women being disappointed by this new life they viewed as a boring and tedious kind of servitude from which they needed to escape at any given, or taken, opportunity. (In all fairness, some, like my mom, painted a more realistic and hopeful picture.) Since I couldn’t imagine the latter being true I assumed it would be the former. Let’s be honest. It’s not. At least not exactly. It’s definitely closer to bliss but you and I both know I’m way more domestically challenged than I realized. It’s hard. Not all the time or even most of the time but definitely on a somewhat regular basis and if it wasn’t, what would be the point? It’s supposed to be a challenge otherwise I’d miss out on this great opportunity for growth and learning. And I am learning so much. You are a kind and patient teacher. And even though I generally feel like a fish out of water with kids (just ask my Primary class) I like to think I was made to be your mother. Everyday, even those sleepless days and nights, there is bliss and a recognition that this responsibility I have to be your mother and stay home and care for you is the greatest gift and privilege. Everyday, you crack me up and fill me with purpose and a sense of self that makes me proud and gives me peace. It is amazing that Heavenly Father would trust me to take care of you and teach you his gospel and help guide you. No pressure. I thank him everyday for that gift and for your father who loves you just as much as I do.

Next month you’ll be a year. Party!

Love,

Mom

5 comments:

Diane Barazoto said...

ADORABLE!!! I can't stand that you guys live so far away. I just want to pull Beck out of those pictures.

elizabeth said...

Oh Leone. I love you! You are a wonderful mother and I think the fact that you feel like "a fish out of water" and try your best makes you that much more wonderful.

Leone said...

Thanks, Liz!

Diane, I wish we lived closer as well and I wish we could do that race next year! I would really love to do one of those relays sometime.

Lindy & Trever said...

What a sweet note, I love the honesty and sincerity of your message. You are a great mom and he is one lucky boy. Oh and the pictures, ADORABLE!

Jessie said...

I can't believe he's almost a year!! He is so cute. It's so funny on your first baby, you are so impatient for them to reach all the milestones, then every subsequent child thereafter, you completely discourage it. You'll soon find out why...your job becomes more difficult as you constantly are keeping them at of harm's way. Lottie's crawling too, and I looked away for one second, and she pulled a kitchen chair smack down on her face. (She's okay.)